


The Broken Hearts Club

by JBlinger



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 13:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16893321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JBlinger/pseuds/JBlinger
Summary: Taeyong and Jaehyun are broken in their own way. They find shelter in each other silences, every night, just by sitting in the same bench.{Yeah I suck at summaries I'm sorry}





	The Broken Hearts Club

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amnesiaL1996](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amnesiaL1996/gifts).



> Hi! So, this was a fic I've written for my best friend's birthday. I'm not that much of an NCT fan, I got really into them just recently so forgive me if they're not portrayed well, I did my best.  
> Also, english is not my first language but thankfully one of my internet friends proofread this for me, if you find mistakes it's all on me.  
> Enjoy :)

“Jesus, Mum, I swear I’m fine! Were you this worried even in real life?”  
“Well, smartass, when you were here, I didn’t need to worry about you! You’re an open book, I’m able to tell when you’re lying if I see you. Now, with an ocean between us? Not so much.” Jaehyun sighs. His mum and her overprotective tendencies tend to show up when they’re apart, he should have remembered this from when he left Korea for the first time.  
“Come on, mum. I spent one year in high school away too, remember?”  
“Yeah but that time you were…” she trails off, and Jaehyun sighs, again. They agreed not to talk about _the thing_.  
“I was better, I know. But I promise I’m doing okay! I eat my vegetables too.”  
That has his mother chuckling. “Okay, I believe you. Call me tomorrow?”  
“As I do every day, Mum. Yes.”  
“Okay. Bye baby.”  
“Not a baby! Bye, Mum” he hangs up, a soft smile lingering on his face. He likes how his mum worries about him, usually, but lately she’s been…overprotective. Not that he blames her.  
He pockets his phone and fixes his backpack, then he gets up from the bench he was sitting on and starts walking towards the library of his campus. The sun is bright and lovely today, but his teachers aren’t, and as much as he’d want to ignore his duties he has two essays to write. And to think this is his first week of college; unbelievable.  
“Welcome to university, Jung Jaehyun,” he murmurs to himself, sarcastically.   
That’s where he sees him the first time. He turns his head out of sheer instinct, really, and something catches his attention.   
It’s two guys sitting in a bench, nothing weird about that, it’s just… something’s off. One of them- he looks really small- is clearly uncomfortable, he keeps his head down staring at the book that lays on his thighs, and the other is leaning towards him, no matter how many times the first guy moves away. Jaehyun decides that he’s going to walk past them, just in case something fishy is going on.  
When he’s near enough, he starts hearing what the insistent guy is saying.  
“Come on, I just want to talk!”  
The other mutters something. Jaehyun slows down his pace.  
“What did you say?”  
“I said I want to read my book in peace. So, no, I don’t want to talk”  
“Like hell! You have to listen to me!”  
Small Guy sighs and shakes his head. “I’m begging you, please…leave me alone”.  
Insistent Guy grabs the other’s arm and yanks him towards him, the poor guy flinches. Jaehyun has seen enough.  
“Dude. Back off, he said no,” he speaks up. Insistent Guy looks up at him, while the other just jumps a little. Now that Jaehyun is right in front of them, he notices Small Guy is Asian just like him. And he’s not small, he’s…tiny. Like tiny as fuck.  
“Who the hell are you, his brother?” Jaehyun fights the urge to roll his eyes. Fucking whites and their “All Asians look the same” thing.  
“I don’t even know him, but he seems to know you and he also looks like he wants nothing to do with you, so leave him the fuck alone.”  
“He doesn’t really mean it. Right, Taeyong?”  
Small Guy –Taeyong, stays silent, but Jaehyun notices something in his eyes. Fear. Jaehyun speaks again.  
“Look, unless you don’t want to be reported for harassment you’d better leave now. He already said no.”  
Insistent Guy scoffs, then lets his arm go and stands up. “Whatever, he’s not even worth it. Have fun with him.” He says, then walks away.  
“What a fucking prick” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, then turns to the guy who still hasn’t moved. “Are you okay?”  
“Is he gone?”  
“Yeah”. The guy relaxes visibly, and lifts his head. _Holy shit,_ Jaehyun thinks. _He looks beautiful._  
“I’m fine…thank you”  
Jaehyun collects his thoughts before answering. “No problem, man. Psychotic stalker?”  
“Not at all. Just…someone I really don’t want to see again.”  
“Well, if he bothers you again just file a restraining order or something.”  
“Doubt he will. You heard him, I’m not worth it.”  
Jaehyun doesn’t really know how to answer that. “Well…at least he won’t bother you anymore.”  
“Yeah…”  
“Well, I got to go. My two essays won’t write themselves. I’m Jaehyun, by the way.”  
“Taeyong.”  
“See you around, Taeyong.”  
“Sure.” He lowers his gaze back to his book, and Jaehyun walks away.

 

Honestly, Jaehyun does get why his mum is so worried about him. The last months he spent home, he was either angry and risking to break his knuckles with the punching bag in his basement, or laying down in his bed, doing nothing but staring at the ceiling.  
Call him childish and an idiot, but first love does hurt a lot, especially if you thought it was true love. If he thinks about it now, he’s almost amused by how much that experience made him see the world in a much more cynical way. He doesn’t mind. Cynicism isn’t a good coping mechanism, but at least it helps him see things how they are. And it prevents him from getting hurt.  
True, the fact that he moved to the other side of the planet and that no one here knows who he is helps as well.   
Here, he’s just another Architecture student. Not the heir of a famous cosmetics company in South Korea, not the first in all his classes, not “that kid who basically shits money out of his ass”. Hell, he’s not even considered as handsome as he was in Korea, and he’s glad he isn’t. He’s just Jung Jaehyun, a stressed college student. True, he isn’t struggling with money as the majority of his school mates is, but he doesn’t show off. He buys precooked ramen just like everyone else, and the only luxury thing he owns is his phone. He didn’t even bring his really expensive clothes from home, he now dresses with the simplest things he managed to find in his wardrobe.  
So, really, he’s a nobody. And he intends to keep it this way.  
Back to the issue with his mother, the thing is that he doesn’t get what else he could do to make her understand he’s fine. Deep down, he knows that his mum keeps being fussy because he’s not the same. He knows. But what else can he do? He got back to his feet, he stopped moping around, his appetite is back, hell, even his will to study is. He’s not as happy as he was before, nothing he can do about it. He doesn’t really care either. He wants to focus on his studies and that’s it.  
He would be lying, though, if he said that he’s completely fine. He isn’t. He feels so empty sometimes that he can barely breathe. He does his best to ignore it.

“There’s always so many stars here.”  
Jaehyun, honest to God, almost screams. And fuck his masculinity. He thought he was alone, sitting on that bench right outside his dorms. It’s eleven PM, of course he thought no one would be around. Especially considering it’s a week day and no parties are scheduled.  
Instead, when he turns around, he recognises the beautiful guy he rescued from that creep like a month ago. He had even forgot about him.  
“Jesus, are you a ninja or something? You scared me.”  
“Sorry.”  
The guy (Taeyong, he has to remember his name) hesitates for a bit, then sits on the opposite side of the bench, staying as far from him as he can. He’s wearing a Pokémon pyjamas, which makes Jaehyun smile a little. Just because what they always show in the movies is true, college people really walk around in pyjamas and no one even cares.  
“What is it that you were saying about stars?” he asks once his heart recovers from the scare of his lifetime.  
“I said that there’s so many stars here”.  
Jaehyun glances up. It’s true. Back in Seoul, where he lived, stars were barely visible. Here, they look as clear as ever; it’s almost weird, since he’s not used to it. Then, he glances back at Taeyong: he’s staring at the sky as well, his widened eyes don’t really show any feeling. It creeps Jaehyun out a little, ‘cause he looks like one of those porcelain dolls he always avoided out of fear that they’d come alive one day.  
“Do you usually go around in a Pokémon pyjamas, looking at the sky at night?”  
“No.”  
“Then why are you here now?”  
“Here is where I usually go before sleep. I could ask you the same thing, I’ve never seen you here.”  
“Well, that might be ‘cause I’m a first year and I never got out at night”. Taeyong finally looks away from the sky to look at him.  
“You don’t look like a first year.”  
“No offence, but you kinda look younger than me so maybe you’re the problem, not me,” Jaehyun smiles politely, so he knows he doesn’t mean it as an insult. Taeyong tugs his lips up a little, something that might look like a smile.  
“That’s true as well.”  
None of them says anything for a long while. Taeyong doesn’t seem very talkative, Jaehyun’s fine with it. The whole point of being outside by himself was that he wouldn’t have to face people or make small talk.  
He hears Taeyong sigh next to him sometimes. He doesn’t question him, and they keep on politely ignoring each other for what feels like forever.  
Then, Jaehyun’s curiosity wins over his decision to ignore the world, and he decides he’s going to make an exception. “What do you study?” he asks, his voice a bit rough.  
Taeyong flinches, even if he spoke really quietly. He must have been really lost in his world.  
“What?”   
“I asked you, what’s your major?”  
“Dance.” Jaehyun hums. For some reason, he can easily picture him doing something like ballet. Must have something to do with his looks. “What about you?”  
“Architecture,” he answers. Taeyong’s eyes widen a little. As if they aren’t big enough, damn it, Jaehyun’s almost jealous.  
“Architecture. It’s what my parents wanted me to do.” The moment the last word leaves his mouth, Taeyong looks like he regrets what he said. Jaehyun looks away, to avoid embarrassing him further. He briefly wonders why he’s caring so much, but he’s already making up a sentence in his head to get them out of the awkward silence.  
“Parents want lots of things for us,” he says “the point is what do we want.”  
“Right.” He doesn’t seem convinced, but again, Jaehyun doesn’t question him. They fall silent again, and this time no one starts a conversation.  
Some time later, Jaehyun guesses it might be past midnight, Taeyong stands up, mutters a “goodnight” and then walks away.  
“Goodnight,” he replies, even if the other guy is already far and can’t hear him.

  
The following night, Jaehyun finds himself roaming around in his dorm, looking for vending machines and a late-night snack. He’s alone, as he usually is, but it doesn’t really bother him much. Especially today, since he spent the whole afternoon working on a project with three of his class mates and he’s pretty much positive that there’s not a single person in his world that he doesn’t hate. Except his mum. His brother too, maybe, and his brother’s boyfriend as well, when he’s not screaming his lungs out. Still, that makes a total of three out of 7 billion people, so he can say he hates the whole world without feeling guilty.  
He waves at the receptionist once he passes past her again, holding his much deserved chocolate bar. The poor woman seems bored out of her mind, and he actually considers stopping by and talk with her, but something outside catches his attention.  
He gets closer to the window, still munching on his snack, and he notices there’s a boy sitting on the bench. No, not just a boy, it’s Taeyong. Again.  
He doesn’t know why but he feels the overwhelming instinct to go out there and sit next to him, just like last night. He decides he’s going to ignore it and quickly walks away, rushing to his room before his instinct gets the best of him and he changes his mind.

  
The thing is, Taeyong lied that night. He said he “usually” goes to sit in that bench, but as far as Jaehyun knows (and he knows a lot, since it’s been a week and he purposely looked outside that window every night) he _always_ sits there. Every single night. He doesn’t really do anything, he stares at the sky, at his surroundings, sometimes at his phone, but he sits there. For a couple of hours or so, then he stands up and walks away.  
Jaehyun doesn’t get why he’s so invested, maybe it’s just his curiosity, but he wants answers. He wants to know why he goes there every night, why does he sit there, why he never notices that he’s being watched (okay, maybe he does not want him to notice, ‘cause he could be easily be mistaken as a creep) but most of all, he wants to know why he stares at things but he doesn’t seem to actually see them. It scares him, but he’s intrigued at the same time.  
That’s why he simply can’t help it one night, and he goes outside and sits on that bench, next to him.  
Taeyong flinches. God, why does he always flinch? Is he that scary?  
“Hi,” he murmurs, looking at him. He’s wearing a pink pyjamas tonight. _Shit, he’s cute._  
“Hi,” Taeyong answers. Jaehyun, being the idiot he is, didn’t plan out a decent conversation in his head, so he doesn’t really know what to say. Thank God, Taeyong actually initiates it.  
“How are your Architecture lessons?”  
“Good. I mean, too many projects to do with people I don’t like, but it’s fine. I like the subject.”  
“Why don’t you like your mates?”  
“It’s not them. I just don’t like people, in general.”  
“Why?”  
Jaehyun thinks about it. Why doesn’t he like people? It’s kind of easy to answer truthfully, he just hopes he won’t be judged too hard.  
“Because people are just…they try to get the best for themselves. Always. They backstab and don’t care, as long as they come out of it clean, and I hate selfishness. Therefore, I hate people.”  
Taeyong doesn’t answer right away. Jaehyun looks up from the ground, to check his expression. He’s staring at him, but he’s staring at him while actually _seeing_ him and he’s not sure he likes it. Those big eyes seem to notice too many things in the five seconds they stared at each other. He breaks eye-contact first, focusing on the bushes behind them instead.  
“You’re angry,” he hears in the end “you looked really angry, just now”  
“I told you, I don’t like selfishness.”  
“It seemed deeper than that.”  
“Maybe it is.” Taeyong doesn’t answer. He seems to have finished the will to talk for today, but Jaehyun’s curiosity can’t wait another day. He wants to know. Now.  
“You’re always here at night,” he starts.  
“How do you know?”  
“I sleep there, you know? I walk in the hallways to buy myself snacks, I look at the windows and I see you. Every night.”  
“I like it here.”  
“Why?”  
“It’s quiet. And I see the stars”  
“You seem to like stars very much.”  
“There’s so many stars here…”  
“Yeah, you already said that.” Silence again. Shit, Jaehyun needs to step up his game and make him talk more.  
“I come from Seoul,” he starts again. Taeyong looks at him, a sign that he’s listening. “There barely were any stars there”  
“I’m from Seoul too,” he glances back at the sky “here everything is so different...”  
“You like that.”  
“Hmm?”  
“You like that here is different than there.”  
“Yeah, I do.”  
“Why?”  
Taeyong looks at him, and it’s the first time Jaehyun sees a hint of an emotion in his eyes. Amusement.  
“That’s locked information.”  
“That’s what?”  
“A locked information. You know, like when you play those war games in your laptop and you want better weapons but the game says that the item is locked until you reach level 8 or something”.  
It’s the longest sentence Jaehyun has heard from him. And it’s about a damn videogame. Well, he’ll take what he can get.  
“Jesus, locked information. Okay. And how do I get to level 8?”  
“With time.”  
“Does that mean that we’ll see each other every night?”  
“That would make you reach level 8 faster.”  
It’s the most absurd conversation he’s ever had in a while but, somehow, he likes it. So he breaks into a smile, and Taeyong does as well. There’s something wrong with the way he smiles, but he’s not exactly able to tell what is it. _Well, I’ll find that out with time as well_ , he supposes.  
“Why are you so angry?” The boy breaks the silence once again, Jaehyun is surprised.  
“What?”  
“Why are you so angry? Like…before, when you were telling me why you hate people…”  
“Does the whole level 8 thing work for me as well?”  
“Of course.”  
“Then it’s a locked information.”  
Taeyong smiles. “Okay. I’ll reach level 8 and ask that again. Deal?”  
“Deal.”

  
After that night, it kind of becomes a thing. Every night after dinner Jaehyun goes outside and waits for Taeyong to come. Sometimes they talk, and it’s about lessons or the schools they attended in Seoul, or their favourite foods, nothing too personal. Sometimes they don’t talk at all, they just sit next to each other. Those are usually Jaehyun’s bad days, Taeyong seems to notice that. And, surprisingly enough, it’s during those days that he learns more about Taeyong. He doesn’t like loud noises for some reason, ‘cause he flinches at everything. He likes to stare at the sky, even if it strains his neck to keep his head turned upwards all the time. The sky, and Jaehyun himself.  
This is the thing about Taeyong, he stares at things without really seeing them, but when he’s staring at the sky, or at Jaehyun, he’s actually looking.  
It scares Jaehyun, ‘cause he doesn’t understand the way he looks at him. Well, that’s not exactly it. Taeyong is studying him, and he kind of feels like an open book, like Taeyong got so many things about him already. What scares him is that no matter how much he stares back, he just can’t seem to collect a single clue. Because he stares into Taeyong’s eyes, and he sees nothing.  
As if he’s empty.  
Yeah, that scares him a lot.

He learns a new thing today. It’s one of the days when they don’t talk, and Jaehyun’s had a terrible day, so he’s fine with it. It happens when he sees a mosquito casually flying around him, and it annoys him so he raises his hand quickly and catches it with a disgusted grimace. Not that he’s afraid, but he’s not really keen on having what’s left of a mosquito’s body sticking on his hand, thank you very much.  
But that’s when his brain registered what happened right when he raised his hand: Taeyong had jumped backwards immediately, and is now staring at him with a frightened expression on his face. He has a feeling it’s not about the mosquito.  
“There was a bug,” he explains, speaking softly. Taeyong relaxes. Then Jaehyun takes a deep breath and asks “Did you think I was going to hit you?”  
“Wouldn’t have been the first time.”  
Damn.  
“May I know…”  
“I lived in Korea, Jaehyun. And I was a tiny boy who loved ballet and had no friends.”  
“Fucking stereotypes.”  
Taeyong chuckles coldly. “Tell me about it”.  
“Well, I’m not going to hit you because you like dancing, so please, stop flinching around me.”  
“That’s…a lot to ask. I barely know you.”  
“Well…just ask what you want to know.”  
“What if it’s locked information?”  
“Then you change question and wait.”  
Taeyong smiles, then he starts asking questions. Jaehyun talks about his mum and dad (carefully keeping his dad’s job out of the picture, since Taeyong seems not to know who he is and he’s grateful for it), about the dog he used to have in Seoul, about his little brother Jisung and the bratty Chinese student who lived with them for a year and then never left Seoul ‘cause he wanted to stay next to Jisung, and how they’re now together and Jaehyun had to stand their loud screeches every day. He talks about his passion for basketball, and for architecture. Taeyong makes him talk so much that when the questions seem to have finished, Jaehyun’s throat feels dry.  
Taeyong still sits motionless, probably registering all the information, until he speaks again.  
“Your brother…”  
“Hmm? What about him?”  
“You said he’s together with the…exchange student?”  
“Chenle. Yes, they’re the most annoying pair of high school boyfriends you can imagine.”  
“Annoying?”  
“They like to bug me, even through the phone. Oh, and they like to be treated for dinner and mind you, they eat like pigs.”  
“But…your parents are fine with it?”  
Jaehyun knows what he’s really asking. He looks at him. “Yes, Taeyong. I mean, it took a while for dad, but yes. Jisung is happy and so are we.”  
“What about you?”  
“What?”  
“Your…orientation”  
“Ah. I don’t really know. I would have said straight, but straight guys don’t usually find other guys attractive, so I’d say…bisexual? Maybe.”  
“You find guys attractive?”  
“I find you attractive.”  
Taeyong looks at him wide-eyed, as if he doesn’t know how to react. Then, he looks down and blushes a bit, and damn, that’s so cute.  
“You’ll get over it soon,” he then says, and Jaehyun has never been more confused.  
Taeyong doesn’t add anything. It takes Jaehyun a while to ask the next question.  
“Who broke you?”  
The boy smiles at him. “Locked information. Who broke you?”  
“What?”  
“You’re not that good at hiding it”  
“Not to you, apparently”.  
“Broken people are good at recognising each other. So?”  
Jaehyun smiles back.   
“Locked information.” Taeyong nods, then looks down again.  
“This is like…a reunion of broken people.”  
“Except that there’s two of us,” Jaehyun remarks “not that we like others that much.”  
“No, we don’t,” Taeyong shakes his head “This is… The Broken Hearts Club. Two members, no entries.”  
Jaehyun chuckles. “Our slogan. Put it on a shirt or something.”  
Taeyong actually laughs. It’s the first time Jaehyun hears him laughing. It’s silent, as if he’s afraid of being heard, but it’s genuine and he likes it.   
He feels like he likes too many things about Taeyong already, but he refuses to think about it.

  
“What level are we in right now?” Jaehyun asks one night. A few weeks passed, and yet it’s still warm enough for them to wear only a hoodie even if it’s near midnight. The dim lights make Taeyong seem even more beautiful than usual and the other is slowly getting used to it, but tonight he seems almost ethereal. It’s not fair, no one should look this good. And yeah, maybe he’s falling for him a little, maybe he’s letting loose even if he promised that he wouldn’t let anyone in again, and he shouldn’t. But maybe he can’t help himself, not when there’s this boy who seems scared of everything, who flinches at the faintest noise, who looks so defenceless and in need of protection. And damn, Jaehyun wants to protect him so bad.  
Ever since that talk about his brother, Taeyong seems more at ease around him. He doesn’t sit as far as he can, instead he sits right next to him, talking distance, like two normal friends. He smiles a bit more, and he even lets Jaehyun touch him sometimes. Tonight, Jaehyun was brave enough to try and hold Taeyong’s hand, and he didn’t pull back. Instead he held his hand back, and Jaehyun was tempted to try and intertwine their fingers, but that seems too much of a stretch so he doesn’t. Instead, he asks that question and now waits for Taeyong to answer. He learnt that sometimes he takes a while, but he always answers.  
Taeyong is staring at their hands. “I don’t know,” he says in the end, his voice small, as if he’s afraid it’s the wrong answer. “We have.. a weird relationship, you know? But you’re the closest thing I have to a friend.”  
“Don’t you have friends in your year?”  
He shakes his head. Jaehyun knows that look in his eyes.  
“I’m near locked information, right?”  
Taeyong looks up at him with a small smile. “You know what? I’m gonna talk a bit. All this…locking isn’t going to help anyway.”  
“Yeah, maybe you’re right…”  
“I…had a boyfriend. We met back in my first year. Uh…that guy you threatened when we first met, do you remember him?” Jaehyun nods. He doesn’t want to think of that day, but he lets him continue anyway “We were together…for long, and then…then we broke up and all the friends I had were thanks to him and they followed him, so…”  
There’s more. There’s so much more that Taeyong isn’t saying, but Jaehyun knows that asking won’t get him anywhere. So he just holds his hand tighter and desperately tries not to collect the dots, ‘cause he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to think about the mess that Taeyong is, and attribute it to that person. Simply because he feels he might not be able to control himself.  
Taeyong leans his head on his shoulder and Jaehyun lets him, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around him and hug him tight. All he’s able to do is finally intertwine their fingers together, and then lift their hands to leave a small kiss on Taeyong’s. As a “thank you for telling me”. Or as a “I won’t do the same as your ex”, he’s still deciding.  
“You too,” the smaller boy says after a while.  
“Hmm?”  
“You should talk too.”  
“There’s…not much to say about me”  
“There is always something to say. Everyone has a story”  
“True.”  
Taeyong waits as Jaehyun takes deep breaths. This would be the first time he tells someone out loud, excluding his mum who knew half of the story already. Not even his little brother knows.  
“I had a girlfriend. For…four years, I think. First love and all that crap, it was serious.”  
Taeyong hums, but he doesn’t interrupt and Jaehyun’s grateful for it. “So basically, I loved her so much, I was about to give up on studying abroad just because she couldn’t follow me, I was… so close to just give up and attend the same university as her…then I found out that she was just- she didn’t love me. She was using me, all that time.”  
He lets go of Taeyong’s hand to avoid hurting him as his own hands close into fists before he can control it, but the smaller boy doesn’t seem scared. He raises his head so he can look at him, then Jaehyun feels a pair of cold hands wrapping around one of his fists, and he also feels his anger slowly slipping away from him. He’s surprised by it, by how fast he calms down. His mother wasn’t able to make him calm down even after hours spent punching his punching bag, and all it takes to Taeyong is a touch and a calm look in his eyes.  
“Stop being so angry. It doesn’t help, it only hurts you.”  
“Being sad doesn’t help either, you know?”  
Taeyong smiles “Everyone deals with pain in their own way.” He makes the next step, and he rests his forehead gently against Jaehyun’s. They don’t really move after that, they just stay like that, breathing the same air. Jaehyun thinks that even if they knew each other for a little more than two months, he knows Taeyong better than he knew his ex. He doesn’t know how he feels about that, not yet. All he knows is that he’s staring into Taeyong’s deep eyes, and they’re still empty as always, but he’s not scared by it anymore. Now he wants to fill that void, until those eyes shine again. He hopes Taeyong will let him.  
“I don’t get one thing,” Taeyong says after a while. He pulls back to talk, and Jaehyun takes his hand again. This time their fingers interlock instantly.  
“What?”  
“How could someone be with someone like you…for so long, and never fall for you? That sounds like a hard thing to do.”  
Jaehyun wants to know all the things that Taeyong is implying. He wants to know, because he doesn’t dare to hope. Not this time.   
He smiles instead, even if it feels too bitter now. “You know how I understood that something was wrong?”  
“How?”  
“When my brother got together with that boy, Chenle. He sounded so happy, he came to me and started rambling as usual, and then he said… I’ll never forget it, he told me “Hyung, he looks at me like I put the stars in the sky. Like all the quotes we always read!””  
Taeyong giggles. He fucking _giggles_. “That’s really cute.”  
“It is. But the thing is- she never look at me like that. She never did, in four years. All it took to Jisung’s boyfriend was one day and she couldn’t do it in four years.”  
Something in Taeyong’s eyes changes right then. Jaehyun got better at reading him, so he can tell that now he looks thoughtful, then he seems sad again. Then his expression changes completely, and an ugly sensation settles down in Jaehyun’s stomach.  
Taeyong lets go of his hand. It’s sudden, but still delicate. _So it’s not something about me,_ Jaehyun thinks. No, it’s not about him.  
“I…I need to go now. See you tomorrow?”  
“Yeah…yeah, of course. Tomorrow.”  
Jaehyun doesn’t understand, and Taeyong doesn’t explain anything. He simply turns his back and leaves, as quickly as he can.  
He feels helpless. He knows it’s not about him, and yet he feels so helpless. Because he’s sure that Taeyong left because he was about to cry and he can’t do anything. Because _Taeyong_ doesn’t want him to do anything.  
Yeah, he feels so damn helpless.

  
“Dude, why do you hang out with Lee Taeyong every night?”  
Josh, one of his project partners, takes him by surprise the next evening, while they’re working on the digital part of their project. Jaehyun is neck deep in work, and the last thing he’s expecting is to be questioned about his...night activities. He didn’t even know that someone had paid attention to them.  
“I didn’t even know his surname was Lee.”  
Josh looks away from his computer, so Jaehyun does too. His partner looks weird, he’s got a smirk in his face, and the look of someone who thinks he knows better. Jaehyun never liked people like him.  
“I get it, dude, I mean, he’s the easiest, but why do you keep seeing him?”  
“Wait. What do you mean?”  
The easiest. Jaehyun doesn’t like that expression one bit.  
“Well…you missed every party, but believe me, everyone talks about him there.”  
“Why?” Josh throws him a look, and Jaehyun doesn’t like that either.  
“Because basically everyone who’s into guys in second and third year has slept with him. There are bets going on and stuff, about who made him scream harder and stuff like that, and we all want to know if it’s true. By “we” I mean us first years, ‘cause the others say lots of shit, according to someone this Taeyong even slept with three guys at once, but I mean…how can we know it’s true? Plus he’s been off the radar for a while so we can’t really try him, and the other day I saw him with you, so I just wanted to know…why do you keep seeing him? And is it true that he’s just like a girl?”  
He’s so disgusted, he feels like he might throw up in a second. Or throw hands. He still hasn’t decided.  
“What…what makes you think I had sex with him?”  
“Well… I saw you two talking? Why else would you hang out with him given the reputation he has?”  
Jaehyun sees red. “Maybe because he’s a nice guy? Haven’t you thought about it?” He’s almost yelling, and he feels some guys in the table next to theirs staring at them. He couldn’t care less.  
“Dude, calm down. I was just asking, okay? You can’t deny he looks too pretty to be a guy, kinda like a doll.”  
Jaehyun hates him a bit more now. And he hates himself because he thought the exact same thing and now it’s making him feel so bad that he can’t breathe.  
The way this Josh is talking about him, as if he’s just a doll to fuck, as if he doesn’t matter. The way he said “easiest”, and that they want to “try” him. Yeah, he’s very tempted of actually pin Josh to a wall and beat the shit out of him.  
“Listen to me,” he starts. “You just don’t fucking talk about a person that way, okay? You don’t. And most importantly, you don’t talk about him like that in front of me, ‘cause I hear you one more time and believe me, you’ll regret the day you were born. Now keep working and leave me the fuck alone, I ain’t talking with a disgusting pig like you.”  
“Woah, where did that come from? Dude seriously, chill. It’s not like I’m the only one who talks like that.”  
“Well, try to be someone who _doesn’t_ talk like that. You have no idea of who he really is.”  
Jaehyun has almost no idea either, but that’s not important now. He’s working on it.  
“Goddamn, fine. I’m glad our project groups are not permanent.”  
Jaehyun scoffs but doesn’t add anything, and neither does Josh, so they simply go back to their own work.  
Except that Jaehyun can’t concentrate anymore.  
True, all the things Josh said are disgusting and he doesn’t believe a single word, but… how does this whole reputation thing fit with what Taeyong told him?   
Just the day before, he said he was with that creep for a long time. And then, this rumour that he slept with so many people? It doesn’t add up. And maybe, if Jaehyun was as naïve as before, he would have ignored what Josh said and believe the guy he liked. But now? Now he doesn’t. Maybe he’ll just seem an asshole, but he can’t risk getting hurt. Not again.  
Taeyong said a lot of pretty words last night, but Jaehyun’s instinct still screams at him to be careful. It’s just words, no matter how much he wants to believe them.  
So he can’t really be at fault tonight, when Taeyong sits next to him and claims his hand instantly. He remains a bit stiff and he also doesn’t squeeze his hand back. He can tell Taeyong is looking at him weirdly, and no matter how much he wants to just ignore everything and hold him like last night, he just can’t. He has to talk to him.  
“You seem a bit…angry,” Taeyong says, with a tight voice.  
“Maybe I am.”  
“Can I…know what happened?”  
“You told me you had a boyfriend for a long time, right?”  
“Yeah.” His face falls a little. Jaehyun forces himself to stay focused on what he has to say.  
“One of my project partners saw me with you. And he told me…what people say about you. That you slept with lots of different guys, that all the first years want to try you ‘cause you’re the easiest. You basically have the reputation of the school whore, but..that’s far from what you told me, isn’t it?”  
It’s almost astonishing to watch, how quickly Taeyong’s body language changes. He was relaxed, close to Jaehyun, touching him, and then all of a sudden he’s rigid, he backs off, and he looks scared. Too scared to be normal.  
“I-I didn’t lie to you. I didn’t lie, Jaehyun, I never lied…”  
“Then fucking explain! Explain, Taeyong, ‘cause I don’t get it!”  
To his surprise, Taeyong chuckles. But it’s cold, and Jaehyun makes one mistake: he looks into Taeyong’s eyes.   
They’re not empty, no, there’s so much pain in those eyes that he feels like he could drown in it. And if he feels like that, he can’t even imagine what _Taeyong_ feels.  
“Does it matter?” he murmurs, voice still too cold. Then he stands up. “I’ll just go, and you won’t have to worry about being seen with a whore.”  
Jaehyun grabs his wrist before he can run away. “Hold the fuck up, you’re not going anywhere.”  
“Please…please let me go, it- it hurts- no, not that.” he says, because Jaehyun lets loose of his hold a little “It hurts that I like you and I can’t stand that look in your eyes, I can’t...I’m-“  
“Taeyong, all I want is the truth. I want you to explain, and I want you to show me that you weren’t lying. Give me an explanation.”  
“You’ll leave after I explain.”  
“I’ll leave even if you don’t explain, so I’m afraid your choices are limited.” He feels his throat burn as those words leave his mouth. Because he sees how those words hurt Taeyong, and he feels like he’s hurt too.  
Taeyong’s legs are visibly shaking, so he sits down. Far away from him, again. He doesn’t even face him, and Jaehyun waits. He waits, ‘cause he learnt that Taeyong takes his time but he’ll answer.  
It takes him longer this time, but then he talks. And his voice sounds so small that Jaehyun has to lean in to hear him.  
“He…wanted me to do it.”  
“Please, be more specific.”  
The older bites on his lip, as if he’s holding back tears, then talks again. “He was the first one to treat me kindly. The first, Jaehyun, even my parents- I- I don’t talk to them anymore. They kicked me out after high school, and I…I came here, I was alone, I had always be alone, and he treated me kindly. He was my first…everything, crush, love, my first time, and I thought…I thought he loved me back.”  
He pauses for a bit. Jaehyun feels calmer now, a bit relieved that Taeyong decided to talk to him, so he reaches for his hand. The other grips it so hard that it’s almost painful.  
“Then he started to…ask me weird things… in bed. To moan someone else’s name, stuff like that. I…I always obeyed. But…it wasn’t enough for him. So one day he blindfolded me, and then he fucked me but when I took off the blindfold I found out…that it wasn’t him, it was his friend, and…and he was there watching. I was so mad, and hurt too, but…he told me- “you love me, don’t you? Wouldn’t you do this for me?” and…the answer was yes. Obviously. Jaehyun, I felt like- I felt like he would leave me if I said no, and I couldn’t let him leave, I couldn’t...he was the only person who was nice to me, how could I let him leave me? So I did what he said, I did what he wanted me to…it’s- it’s true, I slept with all those people because he wanted me to, he was always there, watching…then, after they were finished, he would fuck me and call me his whore, he liked it…he never noticed how much he hurt me. Until- until the day I… I said I couldn’t anymore, because…because I couldn’t look in the mirror anymore, because I was scared and because a girl… I don’t know how but she knew everything, she was in my year…and she asked me about…him, cause I mentioned my “boyfriend” to her, and…after I told her a little, just a little, she- she told me that wasn’t love…I can’t fucking believe it, I thought he loved me all that time, that he loved me back and that’s why I forced myself to-“ he swallows, then keeps talking. “She talked to me about her boyfriend and about how he treated her, and…just that conversation made me want to die. He never took me to dates, he never…told me…that he loved me.” Taeyong is crying now, but he still talks, stubbornly, ignoring his tears and his occasional sobs. “And it took me two fucking years to notice how- how lonely I felt…I felt more lonely with him than by myself. So I told him I couldn’t and…he left me. When…when you saw us, he was trying to get me back. I have no idea why… but he wanted us to be…fuck-buddies I think…but I told him no and after you intervened he…he never asked again. He left me alone, finally.”  
Jaehyun feels like he’s going to throw up. It’s a lot to process, but he feels so disgusted, so sick by the whole story, he can’t even bring himself to say something. He weakly registers Taeyong drying his tears, but all he can think about is Josh’s words.  
 _The easiest. Everyone in second and third year slept with him. Everyone in our year wants to try him. There are bets on who made him scream harder._  
Josh thought Jaehyun was just fooling with Taeyong.  
 _Is it true that he’s just like a girl?_  
God, Jaehyun wishes he could throw up and get rid of those words, ‘cause he feels sick.  
He doesn’t notice, but he must have stayed silent for a long time, because Taeyong starts letting go of his hand.  
“What…what are you doing?” he asks, confused. Taeyong smiles, but again, it’s not really a smile.  
“You’re disgusted… I can see it.”  
“I’m disgusted because of what they did to you. Because of how they talk about you! And I’m..I feel sick if I think that that disgusting piece of shit made you think you had to do that! He…he left you no choice! God, Taeyong, he might as well have raped you!”  
“So…wait, you’re not disgusted by me?”  
Jaehyun opens his mouth to answer that, but then he realises words are no use. Taeyong doesn’t need words, words mean shit. So he just pulls him into his arms and holds him against his chest, just like he wanted to do last night. The smaller boy has just stopped crying, and yet as soon as Jaehyun’s arms wrap around him he starts sobbing again.  
It feels like it goes on forever, no matter how many times Jaehyun runs his hand through Taeyong’s hair and whispers soothing words in his ear, no matter how many times he says “it’s okay” and “I got you”, Taeyong still clings to him as if he’s going to slip away, and Jaehyun can barely stand it.  
He wanted Taeyong to answer his questions so bad, he wanted to know, but now he’s not sure he can take the truth. He has an explanation now. He knows the reason behind Taeyong’s behaviour, behind his hollow eyes, behind his flinching and his silences.  
And he feels sick.  
He keeps caressing Taeyong’s hair, and finally after what feels like forever his sobs die down. Jaehyun doesn’t move, he waits for Taeyong to pull back and dry his tears. His eyes look all puffy and red, and yet he’s still so beautiful in Jaehyun’s eyes. Well, he’s fucked.  
“You’re…not going to leave? Really?”  
“Dude, I just let you use me as a human tissue. I’m pretty sure I ain’t going anywhere, what do you think?”  
Taeyong chuckles, then it turns into a laugh, and Jaehyun laughs along with him. It feels good, to laugh as if there’s nothing wrong in the world. Taeyong’s eyes seem a little less hollow, and Jaehyun hopes he can keep filling that void.  
“What time do you finish your lessons tomorrow?”  
“Five PM…why?”  
“Okay, then I’ll wait outside your block, I’m taking you on a date.”  
Taeyong’s eyes widen. “In front of everyone?”  
God, Jaehyun hates Taeyong’s ex for doing this to him. He intertwines their fingers again and kisses the back of his hand.  
“Yes, in front of everyone.”   
Taeyong smiles a little and kisses his cheek. “Are you sure it’s what you want?”  
“Positive. I want to take you out.”  
“Where?”  
Jaehyun smiles. “You’ll see.”

Truth is, he doesn’t know where he’ll take Taeyong until the next day at 4 PM, when he remembers the first day they met at that bench where they lived their whole story. He remembers the Pokémon pyjamas he was wearing, and he knows exactly where he needs to take him if he wants a perfect date.

And he was right, he knows he was right the moment Taeyong lightens up after he sees where they’re heading.  
“…GameStop?”  
“The biggest GameStop in the city. I checked”.  
Taeyong actually squeals, and Jaehyun barely manages to hold the door open for him that he’s dragging him inside.  
Jaehyun didn’t even think it was possible to spend so many hours in a game shop, and yet he cherishes every second of it. Because Taeyong looks so _happy_. Which saddens him a little, because it takes so little to make him happy and yet no one ever tried.  
He tells him to take what he wants to buy, that he’ll pay for it, but Taeyong shakes his head every time he repeats it and always puts back whatever he picks up, no matter how much Jaehyun insists, he says it’s too expensive.  
(He’s almost tempted to tell him that that videogame costs more or less what Jaehyun used to spend when he went to a coffee shop to kill time back in Korea, but he decides against it).  
The only thing he manages to buy for him is this weird looking Pokémon hat, and he also buys one for himself so that Taeyong won’t be embarrassed when they go out.  
“I can’t believe we’re going out of a game shop wearing Pikachu hats,” Taeyong says once they’re out (because the shop was about to close, Jaehyun is sure the other would gladly spend the whole night in there if it wasn’t for closing time).  
“I’m telling you, now we’ll even take silly selfies with these Pikachu hats!” Jaehyun says, and he feels something warm inside as he sees how Taeyong reacts. He blushes and clings to him a bit more as Jaehyun takes out his phone and snaps a few pictures of them. He even manages to plant a kiss on Taeyong’s cheek and take a picture of it (featuring Taeyong’s flustered expression).  
“Can you send those to me later?”  
“Yeah, sure…wait.”  
“Hmm?”  
“I- I don’t have your number”.  
Taeyong almost drops his hat. “What?”  
Jaehyun starts laughing as Taeyong secures his hat back in his head. “So you’re telling me that we knew each other this long, we…we’re on a date, and we don’t have each other’s numbers?”  
“Fuck,” Jaehyun says between laughs. “We really don’t.”  
Taeyong grabs his phone and hands it to him so that he can type his number, then he does the same. Until a thought runs in Jaehyun’s head and he chuckles again.  
“What is it?” the younger asks.  
“We’re probably the only couple in 2018 who got to the first date without a phone involved”.  
Taeyong looks up at him with a small smile on his face. “Couple?”  
The way he asks him, so unsure and yet hopeful, his voice so small that if they weren’t standing that close to each other he wouldn’t even hear it, it all makes Jaehyun want to kiss him even more. He resists it and kisses his forehead instead before nodding.  
“Yes. Couple.”

Taeyong, Jaehyun finds out, is a vanilla latte kind of guy. Fucking adorable.  
They take more blurred selfies with their Starbucks drinks under the lampposts as they go back to the campus, and Jaehyun makes a mental note to send some of them to Jisung later, so that his brother will finally stop whining about Jaehyun being a loner.  
For now, he settles with listening to Taeyong as he talks about his favourite Dragon Ball episode.   
“… and it really seems hopeless, you know?” he’s saying, moving his hands around so much Jaehyun almost fears he’ll get hit soon enough. “It seems like Goku is going to lose, I mean, he’s strong as hell but Freezer is stronger and- I don’t know, the fact that he’s not human makes you think he’s got better stamina and all that, but then the tables turn completely, and Goku wins! And even if you’re emotionally unstable because it’s what Freezer’s episodes do, you finally sigh with relief. That’s why it’s my favourite.”  
“Well, but Goku isn’t human as well, right?”  
“He’s a sayan! Don’t you know?”  
“Uh… I’m probably going to be hit right now, but I never watched Dragon Ball.”  
Taeyong’s shocked expressions is too cute for Jaehyun to bear.  
“Never watched Dragon Ball?! Wow, you had a bad childhood.”  
Jaehyun chuckles. “Fine, I had the worst childhood. But…we could go to my room and watch it together if you want.”  
“In…in your room?”  
“Uh…or in the lobby if you don’t want to go to my room.”  
Taeyong shakes his head, then looks for his hand and grabs it. “Your room is fine… I trust you.”  
Jaehyun bites his own lip. “I’m trying to hold back, but if you say such things...you make it hard for me not to kiss you right now.”  
“Maybe I want you to,” he whispers, looking up at him with those big eyes. And well, Jaehyun, unlike Goku, is just human. So he leans down and kisses him. Both his hands fly up to cup his cheeks gently, and Taeyong gives in instantly, kissing him back. His lips are soft and delicate, so Jaehyun makes sure the kiss is just as delicate.  
When they part, still with eyes closed, Jaehyun feels Taeyong smile and he smiles too, on reflex.  
“Look at where we are now,” the smaller boy whispers, and Jaehyun opens his eyes and looks around. Only to realise that they’re standing next to _their_ bench.  
“Oh my God, we really kissed here.”  
Taeyong giggles. “We did. Even if… this makes me think, there won’t be any Broken Hearts Club meetings from now on?”  
“Oh, yes” Jaehyun answers right away. “Only, now they’re in my room. You know, it will get colder soon.”  
“Sure” he replies, amused “I’m… really about to watch Dragon Ball with you, after the most perfect first date ever? ‘Cause this seems like a dream.”  
Jaehyun smiles proudly at that. “Let’s go watch Dragon Ball, you nerd.”  
And Taeyong’s eyes shine a bit more.

 

  
Jaehyun would be lying if he says everything goes smoothly after that day.  
But the truth is, he doesn’t really mind. They both are broken, and trying to get the pieces back together.   
Sometimes it’s so hard. It’s hard to do something simple for Taeyong, like bringing him his Vanilla Latte after a day full of lessons, and to have to witness that weird expression on his face, like he doesn’t deserve it. It’s hard to see how Taeyong sometimes cries so hard that he can’t breathe, and it’s hard to hold him and promise it’s all going to be okay, even if Jaehyun doubts Taeyong will ever be completely okay.  
It’s hard to see how after their first time, after Jaehyun _made love_ to him, Taeyong breaks down, overwhelmed by all the feelings. It’s hard to think about how bad Taeyong has been treated.  
But he manages. He manages because Taeyong needs it, he needs him. And because he wants to be there, he wants to see when his eyes will stop being empty.  
He thinks it must be hard for Taeyong as well. To accept that he’s enough, to realise that how Jaehyun is treating him is how he deserves to be treated. And it also must be hard to deal with Jaehyun when he has his bad days.  
Because Jaehyun doesn’t break down like Taeyong does, he simply tends to lock everyone out and be alone with his anger. Taeyong struggled to get past his walls, and he’s still trying to figure out how to be there for him.  
He figures out soon enough that all Jaehyun needs is to be cared for, so he does just that.  
Today it’s one of those bad days for Jaehyun, and Taeyong was able to figure out by a single message. He showed up at his door not even five minutes later, and he got under the covers with him.  
When Jaehyun has bad days Taeyong holds him to his chest, and even if the position is a bit awkward neither of them mind. Jaehyun listens to Taeyong’s heart as he focuses on the hand caressing his hair. They don’t talk, exactly like all those times back at their bench when they would spend more than two hours in complete silence, just being next to each other. Jaehyun loves their comfortable silences, so he cherishes it as the sun (yes, it’s sunny again, the miracles of California) coming through the window warms them both up and makes them even more sleepy than they already are on that lazy Saturday.   
Jaehyun starts feeling better a bit later, so they start talking softly, exchanging gentle kisses sometimes. Jaehyun listens as Taeyong talks about whatever comes to his mind. He stops only after a while, when he lowers his gaze and notices that Jaehyun has stopped listening and is staring at him with a dumb smile on his face.  
“What is it?” he asks.  
“You have a small mole under your bottom lip,” Jaehyun explains “I like it.”  
Taeyong looks at him speechless for a few seconds. “I was talking to you about the reasons why I don’t feel like Hogwarts is the safest place for young people, and you get distracted by a mole in my face?”  
“Hmm,” Jaehyun hums, amused. “Exactly.”  
“Unbelievable,” Taeyong fake-scoffs, but he’s smiling too much for the act that he’s trying to pull off. “And to think that I-“ he stops abruptly, blushing, and Jaehyun raises an eyebrow, confused.  
“You?”  
Taeyong takes a few seconds to answer. When he does, he’s looking at him with a smile on his face.  
“Locked information.”  
Jaehyun stares back.  
Taeyong is looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky.  
Jaehyun kisses him. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I'd love to hear your thoughts about this so please leave a comment if you like, i promise I'm nice. Love you ♡


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